We're Real Cheezed Off!

Greg might be a home-schooler because...

2009-05-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

1. He taught himself to open coke cans with a butter knife, so as to avoid the harsh pain of aluminum on his finger tips.

2. As a small boy, waking up at 5 am to watch an hour of TV was better than sleeping in and only getting to watch on weekends.

3. Exchanging all the desktop start-up sounds clips with Star Wars sounds is a day well spent.

4. Hiding in Mike's bed in-between the wall and the mattress for a half-hour just to terrify him is a nightly practice.

5. Greg, sliding head first down the hallway at full speed should probably be practiced before the real thing to avoid those sharp walls.

6. As a kid, "running in the sprinklers" was a treat on a summer day, not a ghetto version of swimming.

7. Hey Greg, when dad says "Keep your eye on the ball", don't let it actually smack your eye.

8. Taking off his headgear was not even an option when "AWANA Christmas Photo" time came around.

9. His very best friend in the whole world is a full-blooded ginger.

10. His second best friend in the world is a stuffed raccoon named Ricky.

All these things are excerpts from the novel I am writing called The Life and Times of the Amazing Greg Loumagne, in which the interesting and bizarre life of one home-schooler opens the door to a strange world in which one boy defies all social trends and paints a picture of a true free spirit.

by Michael Loumagne

You Might Be a Homeschooler If…

2009-04-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

I have always believed homeschooling to be a very worthy way for a young person to receive an education. I have often defended homeschooling as such, however I have also always believed homeschoolers to be a rather amusing group of people. My siblings and I have often entertained ourselves by poking fun at our fellow homeschoolers. I think we feel especially qualified given the fact that we were homeschooled and had many interactions with the peculiar lot (we are the exception of course). You can, for instance, always pick the homeschooler out of a crowd. Find the kid who's T-shirt is awkwardly tucked into his jean shorts (which are way too short to be cool), he may or may not have a fanny-pack. The way he speaks is as if he grew up living with Peter, Susan and the rest of the Chronicles of Narnia gang. "Mother...what a very odd thing for that man to say to his eccentric friend." Anyways, here is a list of things that may or may not make you a homeschooler:

You might be homeschooled if…

1. If home economics for the day involves picking up the dog’s droppings in the back yard

2. If your name is Harold

3. If you’ve ever dissected a pig on your kitchen table

4. If you’ve ever wondered why your friends at baseball practice aren’t wearing their fanny-packs

5. If your parents make you wear your head-gear even when you are going up in front of the church congregation to sing a solo

6. If you’ve ever used the phrase “how very queer” in a serious conversation

7. If you were ever under the impression that Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory was a real place

8. If you were ever under the impression the word “bis-natch” was a cooler way of saying “business”

9. If you didn’t watch your first Pg-13 movie until you were literally 13, and probably still weren’t ready for it.

10. If you have ever used “I tooted” in place of the words “I farted”

-Greg

A Salutation to Jubilee

2009-02-27T23:47:00.000-08:00

As someone who works with young people every day (all day), now and then I find myself pushed into a spirit of frustration. I have been disturbed many times by the thoroughly vicious actions of other people. As a teacher I have noticed that my mindset for the entire day can be changed because of a snide remark or negative encounter with a student. I think it is because I am often surrounded by the type of people who's first and only instinct is to care for themselves (young people) that I find myself fighting off this atmosphere of gloom in my classroom! Many times school can turn into a sickening pit of narcissism. That is why I have come to appreciate so much those few radiant souls God has blessed with joyful spirits!

I have a few students, two in particular, who are not influenced by the oozing mass of negativity which is their peers. Each day they come to school barely containing their jubilation. They are both relatively goofy, and can be easily distracted during class, but their presence in my class is rejuvenating! They are the kind of students who make it difficult for you to be angry because they have such a good way about them. They are actually quite annoying to the students indulging themselves in their gloomy corruption, and are often at the receiving end of their frustration. They are, in spite of this, usually not phased.

The proverbs say that a joyful heart is good medicine. This is true not only for the person who possesses the joyful heart, but it is also true for the others around him. The joy he exudes, reminds us all that our vexation, frustration, gloominess, and melancholy are all temporary. And it provides for us a taste of the Fountain of joy, Who will do away with all our worries. C.S. Lewis says,

All joy reminds. It is never a possession,
always a desire for something longer ago or further away
or still "about to be."

-Greg

Party Foul...

2009-01-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

Let me set the scene for you. It's approximately ten o'clock in the evening. You are at Downtown Disney on new-year's eve. You have just finished a wonderful meal at a fine restaurant. It is now time to pay a visit to the water closet. As you enter, you are initially alarmed at the number of gents populating this surprisingly small area. Your fears are quickly diffused however, when you realize that there is a stall ready and available all for you! You cautiously open the stall door (you never know if someone might be in there and just forgot to lock the door...it happens, I don't know how, but it happens) and walk inside. Now, here is where you find yourself in a true "fight or flight" moment. As you give the stall a once-over, you notice that there seems to be some kind of aqueous substance on the seat of the toilet. You say to yourself "that's odd, someone spilled their Mountain Dew on the toilet in here...oh no...wait...is that...it is!!!" Some libertine entered this stall previous to you and defiled the toilet seat! (God have mercy on the soul who neglects to check the toilet seat before he sits down) Sweat suddenly begins to pattern your brow...

You are now at an impasse... You can leave and find another toilet (which could be plagued with the same issue) or you can attempt to salvage the one in front of you. I have been down both roads and neither of them are easy (especially if your situation is urgent).

What kind of a person makes a mess of that nature and simply leaves it for the next poor sap to stumble upon. Only one who is twisted, debased, and debauched! This is probably that same guy who breaks something that doesn't belong to him and tries to configure it so it looks normal only to fall apart for the next poor unsuspecting person to touch it. This is a deviant who really cheeses me off!

The only thing that Cheezes me about Christmas...

2008-12-24T00:10:00.000-08:00

Besides the Song "Felis Navidad" The only thing that irritates me about the Holiday Season is the accepting of inflatable Christmas ornaments. At leased Felis Navidad only lasts roughly two minutes, Christmas inflatable snow globes, with penguins ice skating around a sugar plumb fairy, lasts an entire month.

I really don't mind the occasional blow up Santa Scene if I'm driving through a Christmas light show and I notice the person needs to fill some space in the lawn so they don't look ridiculous next to their neighbor's elaborate Santa's workshop robotic theater, but when you drive down your street at noon and you see, what looks like, piles of colorful trash strewn across every ones lawns you lose some respect. You see inflatable ornaments are only used at night, so they lay deflated on the lawn for 17 hours of the day until it's show time!!

So before you turn your lawn into a Wal-mart version of "it's a small world" know that your neighbors will think that your lawn is a land fill and they will feel free to throw their old couch, tires, dog poo, and table scraps on it and start a controlled fire on and around your garbage dump lawn.

Other than that I enjoy all the wonderful festivities at Christmas time.
Merry Christmas
From: Mike

MOVIE REVIEW...

2008-12-22T21:25:00.000-08:00

The guys and I recently watched a movie that can only be described as epic. In 1985, California's champion and now-Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, starred in a little movie called Commando. Needless to say this movie has it all: Cheesy one-liners, a love interest, awesome 80's soundtrack, and plenty of action. Arnold plays John Matrix, an army colonel who is forced to retire because he has made too many enemies in the terrorist world. He is enjoying his peaceful retirement in the mountains, until his life is turned upside-down by a former member of his squad who has gone bad. The villain (known to most only as Bennett) kidnaps Matrix's daughter (ten year old Alyissa Millano). Bennett makes a deal with Matrix; He can see his daughter again if he assassinates the President of a Latin American country. Matrix, however, knows that they will probably kill his daughter anyway, so he jumps off the plane at about 150 feet in the air. And thus the adventure begins... Here is an example of some of the dialogue:

Bad Guy: You scared, mother-#*&%^? Well, you should be, because this Green Beret is going to kick your big &*$!
Arnold: I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now, I'm very hungry!

There is also a random 30 second montage of Arnold in a speedo just strapping different weapons to himself.

If you don't like this movie then there you should not be allowed to watch movies...or go outside.

Its a classic...

4 out of 4 stars

Watch the trailer, and be amazed...

LET'S BE HONEST...

2008-12-19T16:13:00.000-08:00

Lets be honest about why we started this blog. Over the last six months Mike and I have often noticed that people who blog have been the butt of many of our hilarious drolleries. We thought "how funny would it be to create a blog that makes fun of bloggers?"

Blogging seems like the lazy-man's method of communicating with his friends. Is it because you don't have enough opportunity when we spend time together in person to spill your guts or monologue at us? It's like text messaging, you can have the relationship but without all the work. Plus, isn't the whole idea kind of conceited? (lol) "Now listen to what I have to say! (concieted voice)"

That being said, we are looking forward to blogging every day!

JK blogings cool!